“Neither do I condemn you” – Jesus

One of the biggest obstacles to overcoming any habit is the shame that we heap on ourselves. This creates a vicious cycle: 1) We act out our habit, then 2) we beat ourselves up for acting out and we feel shame, so 3) our brain wants to alleviate the pain of shame, so it urges us to act out our habit to flood our system with pleasure…. this leads us to 1) act out our habit again…. and on and on.

Sara Brewer has had wonderful success helping people overcome a pornography habit. She describes the shame cycle well in this podcast episode on the Shame Spiral.

Rather than using shame, Jesus Christ used a drastically different approach: compassion. When the Pharisees brought him a woman who was taken in adultery, he turned them to look inwardly at themselves, rather than accusing her, then said, “Neither do I condemn thee” (John 8:11). Then he urged her to move forward, rather than looking back in shame on her mistake.

If we can learn to look on ourselves with compassion, rather than shame, it will have a huge impact on our ability to become free from our habits.

Understanding when and why we engage in our habits can lead us toward self-compassion.

Here is the BLAST acronym, which I talked about in the video.

B – Bored

L – Lonely

A – Angry (or hangry)

S – Stressed (or sad)

T – Tired

These are some common types of pain that we experience that can lead our brains to call for dopamine to flush out the pain. Chances are that you find yourself going to your habit when you are experiencing one or more of these emotions. Let me reiterate this point: You do not engage in your habit because you are bad, or evil, or weak. It may primarily be a coping mechanism that your brain has developed to deal with pain. I hope this helps you have some compassion for yourself!

Life can be so difficult, and it is natural for your brain to develop pattern for coping with the difficulty. This course is going to help you recognize these patterns and learn practices to help change your brain patterns.

Take a moment to look at the BLAST acronym and think which of these are common for you. See if you can recognize a time when you 1) felt one of these types of pain and then 2) went to your habit to deal with the pain.

As you become more aware of your emotional state, and what you’re feeling, you will be equipped to create a new pattern: 1) Feel some type of pain then 2) effectively process it so you can continue forward free from unhealthy habits.

It’s as simple as that. In this way, you are dealing with the root of the issue: your emotional pain, rather than chopping at the branches – using your habit as a coping mechanism.

Let’s try an awareness practice right now. Take a moment to check in with your emotions by asking yourself, “How am I feeling?” Without rushing through this, take a moment to name a few different emotions that are present for you right now. Simply recognize them and allow them to be there.

Though this may seem strange, this simple exercise to help you become emotionally self-aware can be a huge step toward freedom from unhealthy habits. Jesus practiced this, even out loud sometimes. On the way to Gethsemane, He said, “My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death” (Matthew 26:38). Recognizing our emotions helps us not become captive to them, and to the brain patterns that our unconscious mind acts out to deal with them.

I hope that this lesson has helped you develop some compassion for yourself, as you have come to understand how your brain has used your habit as a coping mechanism for pain.

I also hope that you see how becoming more emotionally aware can help you begin the process of changing your mind patterns.

When you feel like you’ve grasped these concepts, let’s move to the next lesson.

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